The Harbor Road branch, which has since changed its website.Photo: Marco Bell / Wazel News
A crew that robbed the Harbor Road branch of Coastal Mutual on Monday morning left a five-star review of the branch nineteen minutes later, praising its staff, its parking, and the accuracy of the floor plan published on the bank's own website.
The review, posted under the name "Happy Customer," described the branch as "fast, friendly, and the vault was exactly where the website said." It gave one star off for the coffee, then added the star back "because honestly we didn't try it."
The floor plan
Coastal Mutual's website had, until Monday afternoon, included an interactive branch tour showing the lobby, the staff area and a door labelled "VAULT (staff only)." The bank said the tour was intended to "make customers feel at home." The robbers, in their review, said it did.
The bank has removed the tour. Its chief executive told investors on a hastily arranged call that the review was "not reflective of our brand" and that the branch's rating "remains strong among people who did not rob it."
"We read every review. This one we read several times."
— Coastal Mutual spokesperson
The branch's online rating, before and after. It has since been 'temporarily paused for maintenance.'
Shares, oddly, up
Coastal Mutual shares rose 1.1% on the LSX on Tuesday, which analysts attribute to the bank's "unusually transparent customer experience" and to a rival bank, Bayside Savings, being robbed the same morning and getting only three stars.
Bayside's review, posted by a different crew, complained about "a lot of waiting" and "a vault that was not where anyone said." Bayside's chief executive thanked the reviewers for their feedback and said the vault "moves on Tuesdays, which is the point."
The money desk's position
Wazel News has examined both reviews. The five-star review is 84 words long and uses "lovely" twice. The three-star review is 40 words and uses "eventually" four times. Neither mentions the amount taken, which police put at $310,000 and $0 respectively.
Coastal Mutual has said it will not be responding to the review publicly, "as that would be engaging." Police have asked the public to look out for anyone who uses the word "lovely" about a bank.